What People Are Saying About David...
David Ortmann fucking rocks, man!"
- homeless man on Market Street
"Who the fuck is David Ortmann?"
- famous actress at charity event
"David Ortmann has a smile that could light up a dark room, literally."
- San Francisco electrician Ernie McManus, during the Winter 2003 blackout
"Kid's got an amazing ass. Too bad he won't let us use it."
- Wendell MacCormick - Adult film producer
"David was the perfect little boy, so obedient and well-behaved. I'm not sure what went wrong."
- Aunt Gina - Bensonhurst, Brooklyn
"Oh my God! David was such a dork in high school. Worse than a dork actually. Everyone called him a fag. No one would date him. Actually, no one even talked to him."
- Gina Maria Conquista - John F. Kennedy Memorial High School, Class of 1990
"I mean I knew he was gay, but he had no idea. David was great in bed and that's all that mattered. The man ate pussy like a pro. Sometimes he'd go down there and be gone for weeks at a time. Once I had to forward his mail. Whenever I think of David, I always picture the top of his head, you know? But I knew it couldn't last. His favorite books were "Auntie Mame" "A Woman of Substance" and some Joan Crawford biography. That raised red flags - hell, it raised rainbow flags."
- Lavender Bräun, college girlfriend
"David has a rather large head you know. Not in the narcissistic sense, though he is in bloody love with himself, but the size of the head itself is quite disproportionate. He looks rather like a microphone. I remember in photo sessions we had to dress him to pull focus away from his head. I don't think it worked in the long run. No."
- Lydia Grant - British fashion photographer
"Oh, I love him. I love him because he knows so many famous people, yet he refuses to name-drop. It's so refreshing in this day and age."
- a famous person
"Very creative kid, David is. Completely changes his look every four or five years. David is like Madonna, without the Kabbalah and all that money. Or Guy Richie and the whole fame thing. Also, he's not a woman. Actually, he's nothing like Madonna at all, come to think of it."
- Petr Miros, organizer of Prague Pride Festival
"David looks like my brother Tommy who died. Tommy was really handsome. when he was alive, I mean."
- some girl
"I'm really not at liberty to comment."
- Psychiatrist, from ----- ------- (Censored for legal reasons. Whatever.)